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Examing Gratitude

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

In my office I have a book of poetry by e.e.cummings. In it he wrote, “I thank You God for this most amazing day; for the leaping greenly spirit of trees and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes.”

Throughout my adult life I have tried to keep my focus on gratitude, but recently I have come to realize that as the we weave our way through today’s world, the face of gratitude has changed for me. This past 18 months of quarantine in my home, not only is finding my gratitude more challenging, but the focus of my gratitude has shifted.

A few years ago I submitted an entry to my blog about gratitude and I talked about my Gratitude Journal. At that time, I wrote: “I’m so old that when I was in elementary school we could actually pray. I remember the “Johnny Appleseed” prayer we used to recite daily before we ate our lunch: “Oh the Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord, for giving me the things I need, the sun and the rain and the apple seed. The Lord is good to me.” Did you have a prayer like that? Sort of the “God is great, God is good, and we thank him for our food.” plain brown wrapper kind of prayer that you recited without ever really thinking about it? Well, when I looked at my supposedly marvelous gratitude journal, that is pretty much what I saw.  My entries were basically, “I am thankful for my home, my family, my friends, and my health.” And I just sort of recycled those themes over and over again in one form or another over the years.”

As a result of this self-examination, I made the decision to work on gratitude with specificity, and as I look back through my journal entries I can see that I was trying to do better. I made entries where I wrote that I was grateful for a loving husband, for my son and his precious wife, for my husband’s family, for the fun we had with friends, a safe vacation trip, a yummy meal at my favorite restaurant. Reading what I wrote, it seemed that actually the only thing that changed was that I added some details. Sitting here in the context of today, these entries seem pretty frivolous and inconsequential.

Technology is here to stay. Think about where your focus lands throughout any given day. Your computer? Your smart phone? Your tablet? Social media? Your television? Turning on the news these days can be a pretty scary thing indeed! We hear news of an ever-rising death count from a worldwide pandemic, global warming that is resulting in horrific weather news: floods, hurricanes, wild fires, mud slides, drought. Political ideologies have torn us assunder. Murder hornets are here, home-schooling isn’t working, people are out of work, and of course, we can’t omit the turmoil in the Middle East. Today’s technology-driven life style shifts our focus from internal self-reflection to external influences. When my focus is on these worldly events, it is easy for me to slip into depression and frustration.

As I dig into my recent journal entries, I see our world reflected in my words. Instead of a fun evening at a restaurant, I am thankful to have food available to me. In place of remembering a fun evening with friends, I am grateful to have clean drinking water. I am blessed to sleep safely in a bed. I have written how humbled I am to have shelter, shoes, clothes, health care. Then there are the luxuries that I take for granted: air conditioning, heat, refrigeration, running water, television, internet…the list is endless, isn’t it?

As my world continues to change, my gratitude must change as well. Today, there are so many in the world who don’t have even the basic necessities of life. So for today, I say, “Indeed, I am richly blessed.”

The thing about dreams…

untitled.001As we grow and change, so do our dreams. As a child, all I wanted was to grow up. As a teenager, I wanted to be a law librarian. Yikes! That one scares me! As a young woman I yearned to find the love of my life, live on a small farm, and have lots of babies. None of these came true. 

As I look back on what I dreamt of and what I lived is bittersweet. I did marry, had one child, and worked for 46 years as an educator. I loved being a parent. I loved being a teacher. I lived a fulfilling life.  In 2016, my husband of 45 years passed away suddenly. My dreams of retirement and travel were put on hold. 

Today,  I am remarried and yes, I am enjoying travel. However, I have a new sets of dreams and goals. I am focusing on health and wellness since without that, anything else becomes a struggle. I am enjoying time spent at the gym, I value time spent planning for clean eating, I find joy in journaling.

My journal is filled with photos and notes about tiny moments that have sparked joy…a mama and baby deer stopping by for a rest, baby armadillos scampering through my woods, the baby foxes playing in the yard, even an unusual mushroom that catches my eye.

I am slowing down and while I still spend time looking inward and reflecting, I find myself looking out and the beauty that is around me. I realize that I don’t need to travel far to find the things that make me smile.

HAPPY DREAMING!

Looking in the Rearview Mirror…

Each morning, I have a app on my iPad that collects all the pictures I have taken on that date going back to my first digital device. Today as I was looking at the snapshots, these frozen moments in time, I began to think about what it means in our lives to look back and look ahead.  

I have always loved New Year’s Eve; I look forward to the new chapter, the fresh start given to me by a new year…a blank slate of sorts. Yesterday, the app found a couple of pictures and a jubilant post I had shared out at about 11:55 p.m. on December 31, 2013.  In my New Year’s Eve excitement, I shared the pictures and wrote this: “Join me as I bid farewell to 2013 and eagerly welcome 2014. Each of you has enriched my life and I am so thankful to be sharing this time and space with you. Let’s take time to look back on the year past and reflect on what was…learn and grow from those experiences. And now, let’s look ahead to all the adventures awaiting us. May your 2014 be a wonderful year filled with friends, family, and fun!”

I was so happy that night sitting beside my husband of 44 years; we were snacking on delicious and beautiful nibbles, sipping champagne, and toasting in the new year with my son and his wife. At midnight I called my sister; I spoke with her and my mom to wish them a wonderful new year. This was my New Year’s Eve ritual, something I had done every year. All was right with the world in that joy-filled moment.

What didn’t I know? As I laughed, clinked glasses, and toasted the excitement of the year to come, I had no idea that death would claim both my mother and my husband that year.  Yet, in the space of 10 weeks, they were both gone. So, the reality was that 2014 turned out to be a most difficult, sad, and challenging year.

Fast forward to New Year’s Eve 2019; as we watched the ball drop in Times Square, none of us had any idea that we were about to be faced with a worldwide pandemic of terrifying proportions. At no point in time do any of us have knowledge of what is waiting for us in the next point in time. Each minute remains a mystery until we live it.

Yes, we have control over much of what happens in our lives, but our most pivotal events are typically orchestrated by God’s hand, not ours. I have always believed that not knowing protects us from fear and sadness.  I suspect that if I had known what was in my future, I would have shut down, simply frozen, awaiting the inevitable, rather than living a life filled with silly moments, new friendships, travel adventures, job changes, and knowing me, lots of giggles.

Today I am in a new place.  I think about my mother often, but the experience of losing her has helped me grow as a parent. Even though my son is an adult, I realize that I can continue to work at being the best version of myself. When I am comfortable in my own skin, I am a better mother. As a strong, confident parent, I continue to teach my son how to be a  loving husband, how to have a good work ethic, about patience in relationships, and how to look for joy in even the smallest moments.

I miss my husband and will always hold him in my heart, but I have found joy again in a new and loving relationship. This relationship is stronger because of what I have been through. Tragedy forced me to examine who I am and how to move forward. I had to get tough – pump my own gas, eat alone at the sushi bar, overcome my fear of heights and climb the ladder to change the lightbulb, balance the checkbook, wander through the maze of probate court and Social Security…the list goes on. Today, the woman I bring to all my relationships is changed… more confident, more resilient, more balanced because of the struggle brought about by loss.

So, knowing what I know now, would I change the post from 2013? At midnight on December 31, 2021, did I still look ahead to 2022 with joyful anticipation? The answer is unequivocally YES! I will strive to treasure each moment, each person, each relationship, each adventure.

I encourage you to stop for a moment and flip through the pages of your life. Look at your mental snapshots of the places, the family, the friends, even the pets who surround you. You and I, we are richly blessed!

Photo by Dimitry Zub on Unsplash

What Holiday do you Celebrate?

What holiday do you celebrate?  Is yours a home that celebrates Christmas? Kwanzaa? Hanukkah? Whether the candles are red, green, black, or blue, the message of our Winter holidays is the same. The message is one of kindness, caring, and human connection. Those flickering candles remind us to spread a message of love and light.

The stress in the world today makes this time of year even more valuable; we all desperately need to hear Winter’s message of kindness and to act upon it. I have realized that patience with an elderly person in the checkout line, a kind word for the young sales clerk, a warm smile for a stranger…each of these costs me nothing and yet could be of great value to the recipient. 

I love the holidays; I am excited for December to arrive so that I can decorate the house, trim the tree, bake warm cookies laced with fragrant wintry spices, listen to favorite carols, and wrap packages for gift-giving.  In my mind, the Winter holidays reflect what our Earth is telling us; it is time to slow down and stay warm. I love long Winter nights when I can snuggle in front of a fire, eat a big bowl of soup with crusty homemade bread, and sip hot cocoa or warm wassail. I am always eager to get busy baking those cookies and smelling the pungent spices of clove, cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice.  Indeed, yes,I love the holiday season!

Yet, the world we live in is media-driven; advertisers pour millions into ad campaigns to promote “stuff”.  The challenge is for me to keep my mind on what matters. I remember a Psychology Today magazine cover about 45 years ago.  It showed a child surrounded by a mountain of crumpled wrapping paper, bows, and toys tossed about the room.  The child was not interested any of the new toys, rather he was happily using his imagination and creativity while playing in one of the empty cardboard boxes!  The message was loud and clear. Running up a credit card bill is not going to make the holidays a success.

Sitting by the fire staring at the flickering flames is the perfect time for me to focus on how my life fits into the Universe. It is a time of reflection, self-examination, and goal setting.  How can my life make the world a gentler place for the people with whom I come in contact?  What can I do to improve the person I see looking back at me in the mirror each morning?  How can I keep my focus on the true meaning of these Winter holidays?

And so, when I sat and really thought about what I wanted; it was very clear to me. I want the people I love and cherish to be happy and healthy.  If that is the case, the real question is, what can I give my dearest ones that would make them happy?  I quickly realized that “stuff” was not the answer. I determined that what they want is the very best version of me… time spent with me…quality time…put-your-phone-away-and-focus-entirely-on-me time.

Guess what? That is what we all want.  Your husband, wife, sister, parent, and even the young person at the checkout all want a moment of your undivided attention. Actually, that is really all it takes for them to feel valued. I have learned that simple things make people feel valued: making eye contact, smiling, listening, and replying.  All free!  

So, what I know for sure is that the message of Christmas, Kwanzaa, or Hanukkah is not “spend”.  The message is “stop”…notice the people around you, count your blessings, value the time we have with those we love, create precious memories, celebrate life, and spread kindness.  So, from my home to yours, Merry Christmas!  Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! Be the light.

One memorable Thanksgiving…

Meet Tater

The Saga of Tater…

Like a lot of people, my school experience resembled a roller coaster ride…it was filled with happy highs and not-so-happy lows. Normally I keep all school-based memories safely tucked away and deeply hidden in my memory bank. 

For some reason, the approach of Thanksgiving this year has unlocked a long forgotten experience from my elementary school days, and this fleeting moment has floated to the surface. In 1954, my dad was in the military and stationed at the Pentagon. I was 6 years old and we were living in Virginia for a few months. 

My memory of this community is filled with rolling fields and farm land. While we were living there, I attended a small K-12 school situated in this mostly rural area. The entire school had fewer than 100 students, and just one teacher per grade level. I was in first grade. 

On this particularly special day, I have a clear memory of our play yard bathed in sunshine, blessed with beautiful, clear blue Autumn skies, and a scattering of trees wearing golden, scarlet, and bronze crowns. 

Apparently, the school’s Head Master had let the teachers know that all students were to assemble in the play yard at a pre-determined time that morning. My first grade mind remembers our class being lined up and led to the yard in a flurry of excitement. This was an unusual event and cause for lots of whispered speculation among all the students, even the upper classmen!

Picture this…

There in the center of the play yard behind the painted hopscotch grid stood the Head Master and a TURKEY! Yes, you read that correctly…a living, breathing, gobbling turkey. The principal introduced us to Tater, the first turkey I had ever seen.  

Now, if this were to happen in a school today, I expect parents would be up in arms that the children were being traumatized. But this was 1954. Head Master went on to tell us, with overly dramatic gestures, that poor Tater was doomed to end up as someone’s Thanksgiving dinner. We were advised that it was our job to save him; we were challenged us to come up with a plan to save Tater from his fate as a Thanksgiving entrée.

I remember frantically trying to come up with an idea. I had nothing! My six-year-old brain drew a total blank! I think I ended up writing that they should eat extra vegetables. Lame, I know, but in spite of my less-than-stellar suggestion, that day was special. 

The students across all grade levels banded together with common purpose to fight a common battle… Save Tater! Student engagement was at an all-time high and collaboration was everywhere. I don’t remember my teacher’s name, I don’t remember the Head Master’s name, but the turkey’s name was Tater! Human nature was at its best that day and I learned a valuable life lesson. When we work together, when we are united for a common cause, we can achieve goals and exceed expectations. 

I belong to a group, Driven to Wellness, that is a great example of this theory in action. Our members live across and beyond the country, we are of different ages and stages of life, we come from different backgrounds, and multiple races. Members are facing many different challenges, but have a common goal: living a healthy, happy, fulfilled life. This common vision unites us and is consistently evident in the posts here on our page. When the world feels overwhelming, this is where I find respite. 

During times of national tragedy such as September 11, the Boston Marathon, the Pulse Nightclub attack (and many others), our country united and banded together to fight a common battle. My prayer this Thanksgiving is that we, as a nation, find a way to do this without waiting for a horrific event to spur us to action. Each of us can find a cause in our own community that allows us to feel love, passion and commitment; to collaborate and engage for the betterment of ourselves and our neighbors.

But, let’s get back to Tater. You are probably wondering whether or not we saved Tater from a ghastly demise. Well, Head Master neglected to tell us that Tater was actually a beloved pet. He was named Tater because his family would eat nothing but potatoes before they would ever eat him! So, Tater had a happy ending, and so does this post.  Have a Healthy and Happy Thanksgiving filled with great food, good friends, loving family, and plenty of fun!!!

The Colors of Thanksgiving

It may surprise you to know that we Americans are not the only people to enjoy a celebration dedicated to giving thanks. 

  • Long before Europeans arrived in North America, the Indigenous Peoples had celebrated the harvest with autumnal festivals.
  • Canada’s first Thanksgiving celebration happened in 1578, several decades before the one at Plymouth. Today, Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving on the second Monday in October each year.  
  • In Japan, citizens celebrate Kinro Kansha no Hi (Labor Thanksgiving Day) on November 23rd each year. On this national holiday, people are encouraged to focus on the value of hard work and community service. Children celebrate the day by making cards for local police, firefighters, and other community helpers. 
  • The German equivalent of Thanksgiving is Erntedankfest, which translates to “harvest festival of thanks”. 
  • Surprisingly, there are people in the the Dutch city of Leiden who celebrate Thanksgiving. Some of the Pilgrims leaving England traveled to North America on the Mayflower, but some stayed behind in Leiden. Today, the people of Leiden still celebrate their connection to the Mayflower’s passengers by having church services on the fourth Thursday of November.
  • Americans have spread the idea of Thanksgiving around the world to places like Norfolk Island in the Pacific Ocean, Grenada, Puerto Rico, and Liberia.

Step back a moment and think about the people on this list who are celebrating Thanksgiving; from the Netherlands ~ to Japan ~ to Liberia, they come in all colors. 

Now, look around you at nature.  During the Autumn months, everything slows down and the vibrant green colors of summer begin to change.  Days are shorter, temperatures drop, and the Earth blankets us with a quilt of reds, oranges, yellows, and browns.  These colors just feel cozy, don’t they?  

It is not a surprise that when we look at the traditional North American Thanksgiving feast spread out on the table, we see many of the same colors. First, there is the glistening brown turkey, dressing, and warm gravy. Surrounding them you may see dark green broccoli, warm orange butternut squash, yellow rutabaga, creamy mashed potatoes, and ruby red cranberry sauce.  When we eat what the Earth provides, we find that the colors of nature are reflected in our food.

I conclude that Thanksgiving is a holiday that reminds us to be the best version of ourselves; to look up from our devices, slow down, give thanks, show kindness, have gratitude, and breathe. Let us join together to give thanks for the beautiful colors around us…in the people, in nature’s colorful display, in the bounty of food. For the gifts of the Earth, give thanks. 

Photo of trees by Dennis Buchner on Unsplash

Photo of feast by Christopher Ryan on Unsplas

Photo of pumpkins by Joseph Gonzalez on Unsplash

Photo of turkey by Meelika Marzzarella on Unsplash

The Journey

I must uncover 

the pioneer spirit 

of my ancestors 

within myself

for I am on a journey

of self-discovery.

I must be unafraid

to travel into dark places

I have never acknowledged.

I must release memories 

of a childhood past

and lovingly embrace 

my today. 

I must acknowledge that

my heart beats for truth.

My soul longs for acceptance.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

.

.

.

.

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

The Great Thanksgiving Debate…

“Debate? What debate”?, you ask. Cranberries~we need to talk about cranberries.  Cranberries are synonymous with Autumn and many people today associate cranberries with Thanksgiving. So let’s answer the question of whether or not cranberries were present at the first Thanksgiving feast.  

The answer is no. While the very tart cranberry may have been included in some Wampanoag dishes, there would have been no cranberry sauce at the first Thanksgiving.  Sugar would have been horribly expensive and scarce in the colonies in 1621. No evidence of anyone making or eating cranberry sauce can be found for at least the next half century. A recipe for cranberry sauce appears in the 1796 edition of The Art of Cookery by Amelia Simmons, the first known cookbook authored by an American. She wrote about cooking cranberries with sugar to make a “sweet sauce” that could be eaten with meat.

Now that we have addressed the history of cranberry sauce, we have to turn to the great divide: I love it vs. I hate it. How is it that this simple, round, red, shiny, unassuming fruit can be the cause of such controversy?  Are you part of team love it or team hate it?  Here are the facts. 

In 2019, Instacart,  in coordination with Harris Poll, conducted an  online survey of 2000 Americans. Respondents were asked to talk about their feelings about foods on the table at Thanksgiving. The least popular item was, you guessed it, cranberry sauce.  Almost half of the 2000 participants described canned cranberry sauce as “disgusting”

Now, I am not a fan of canned cranberry sauce, but I am not holding that jiggly gelatin in the can against all cranberries.  I buy fresh cranberries and have the joy of making my own cranberry sauce on the stove.  First of all, it is so easy!  Here’s the recipe:  a bag of cranberries, a cup of water, and a cup of sugar.  Bring it to a boil and simmer.  Here’s the fun part; as the water heats up around and within the cranberries they expands and the cranberries pop!  It sounds similar to popcorn! When my son was little, he would beg to help make the cranberry sauce.  He is in his forties now and still brings the homemade cranberry sauce to our family Thanksgiving table.  So, if you haven’t, I suggest you give it a try.  It tastes so good (you can make it as sweet (add more sugar or honey), tart (add lemon rind an juice)as you like), or spicy (add cinnamon, orange juice) and it becomes a lasting family memory.

Now, part two of the GREAT DEBATE: if we agree that there will be cranberry sauce on the Thanksgiving table, will it be whole fruit or jellied?  My family is firmly dug in on the whole fruit side of the issue and my husband’s family will only eat the jellied version.  As you have probably guessed, I end up with not one, but two serving dishes of cranberry sauce, one for each.

In addition to really enjoying the way the tang of cranberry sauce cuts the richness of the Thanksgiving bounty, it just looks so pretty on the table. I love the beauty of the table. The rich browns of potatoes, turkey, dressing, golden colors of squash or sweet potatoes, greens of hearty vegetables, and then there is that pretty pop of red cranberry nestled in among all the warm colors of Autumn on the table. 

There are plenty of reasons to love Thanksgiving. This holiday is about so much more than the food, and I never ignore the fact that I am richly blessed by the people sitting at the table with me. Whether or not there is cranberry sauce on your Thanksgiving table, I am sending out warm wishes for a holiday filled with family, friends, food, and fun.  Go gather memories and hold them close to your heart.

Thank you for the photo: melissa-di-rocco-qorye5pnuAk-unsplash.jpg

Gentle November

Beautiful Autumn

Nestled between October and December is the month of November.  November allows us to glory in the colors of Autumn, the Earth’s brightest smile. I love November! 

November is when we take a breath; we relax and focus on gratitude and the blessings we enjoy. As a child, I loved this time of year. We raked, jumped in leaf piles, put on sweaters, and we enjoyed bedtime stories more because it was dark outside.

As though November isn’t already perfect enough, it brings us Thanksgiving.  In my opinion, Thanksgiving is just a perfect holiday. It is such an unassuming and gentle holiday; Thanksgiving is when I focus on the things I cherish…on gratitude for precious family, wonderful friends, yummy food, and fun.

I bask in my “over the river and through the woods” Thanksgiving memories. Thanksgiving reminds me to be grateful for what I have and to do for others…to be the good in someone else’s life.  

During November, the Earth slows down and settles into the coming of Winter. Days are shorter, trees drop their leaves, animals hibernate or migrate. Nature knows it is time to settle in.  

November is a chance for us all to step back, take a deep breath, and focus on how we fit into the world. Everything calms down; there is no racing about, no shopping frenzy, no chaos.  The worst thing that happens is a post-turkey tryptophan-induced nap.

I love shopping for just the perfect, plump turkey. I get excited to smell pumpkin pies baking. I bake loaves of bread for the stuffing, I simmer autumn spices in the potpourri pot, I fill my house with pumpkins and gourds, and I relax. I spend time focusing on my gratitude…and I have so much to be thankful for.

Many of my friends already have their homes decorated for Christmas. I respect everyone’s right to do what feels right for them, but I refuse to sacrifice this time that allows me to just be still.  December will come and I will put up a tree, wrap gifts, and enjoy the twinkle.  For now, I am content to be fully present in my gentle November. 

How did the F-word get its bad rap?

I’m confused. If the letter F/f had a voice, it would protest! After all, is every:

  • pumpkin orange? 
  • dog a Yorkie? 
  • parent a mother? 

NO…  

And yet, somehow all the words that begin with the letter F/f have been clumped together and disparaged. Not all words that begin with F/f are bad; not all words that begin with F/f can be called an F-word.  

So, I am taking a stand against this generalization for my forlorn friend, the letter F/f. In my world, some very nice, gentle, comforting words begin with F/f and the Thanksgiving holiday here in The Hollow is a perfect time to take a closer look at this problem.

  • Thanksgiving is my number one, most favorite holiday! It is smack in the middle of my favorite season, fall! I look into my yard at the colorful foliage, my scampering foxes, and a fanciful family of deer.
  • Let’s start close to home. I love that this wonderful holiday brings my fabulous family together and I have the opportunity to feed them. 
  • What is better about Thanksgiving than all the delicious food? More than food, this is a feast! I am so fond of the star of the table, that fine, fresh fowl known as turkey.
  • I am so happy to get flour on my nose while rolling out pie crusts for an assortment of flavorful pies. Pumpkin is my favorite and apple is my fruit of choice.
  • If I am lucky, it will be chilly enough for us to sit on the floor around a crackling fire and enjoy the dancing flames while we tell funny stories and share memories.
  • When I think about giving thanks, I always include my fellowship of faithful friends.
  • Put all this together and what do you have? Nothing formal, just some FUN!

My point is that F/f is a friendly, fabulous, fine, formidable letter and we should treat it favorably; with the respect it deserves. I speak for the letter  F/f when I say “thanks in advance for your consideration!”